


Call me a sinner

by amiyade



Series: Moments [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Canon Timeline, Developing Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Team Bonding, mShenko, one shots, there will be some shooting too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-02
Updated: 2014-03-02
Packaged: 2018-01-14 07:47:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1258513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amiyade/pseuds/amiyade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like a puzzle, that had all the pieces together already, but suddenly the picture made sense too.</p><p>Kaidan remembered the exact moment he decided to hell with everything and to go for it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title is kind of unrelated, it's from the song Call me by Shinedown, which is the ultimate mShenko theme song for me right now. The timeline might not be 100% accurate, but I did my best. Some of the dialogues are from the game.

Kaidan remembered the exact moment he decided to hell with everything and to go for it. He might have other intentions when he sent that message to Shepard, inviting him to a dinner on the Citadel. But when he was sitting next to Kaidan, asking him if he wasn't sleeping with concern on his face Kaidan decided he lived enough in the illusion. Now he wanted to know if there was something, or was it just him noticing the small things, like how their fingers brushed when Shepard brought him the whiskey in the hospital or how he held his hand just for a second longer when they shook hands. He remembered how easily the words came even when there was confusion on Shepard's face, then it became empty, which Kaidan knew meant his brain was working on double time.

“That's what I want. What do you want?”

“You and me? Is that what you're saying, Kaidan?”

And just like that it was finally out. Kaidan had exactly five seconds to wonder about the ‘what now’, since he didn't think things that far before everything fell into place.

“Huh. 'Someone'?”

“You, Kaidan. Huh. It does feel right. After all this time.”

Their food arrived, it wasn't what it would have been on Earth, but it was still good and most importantly a lot. They chatted about unimportant things, like they had all the time in the galaxy. It all felt normal. They both needed that, just to be normal, but then their knees bumped under the table and Kaidan's heart leaped every time he looked up to Shepard watching him with a little smile on his face. After they finished even the last of their beer Shepard looked out solemnly to the Presidium.

“I have some business to take care of” he sounded reluctant, so Kaidan gave him the shove he needed.

“Sure, see you back on the Normandy.” When Shepard stood up he placed his hand on Kaidan's, giving it a short squeeze then he traced his fingers lightly up on Kaidan's arm to his elbow before he turned and left. The Major looked after him, taking a good look at his frame up and down, now that he was allowed to.

Later he found Liara on a lower level of the Presidium and they exchanged a few words before he headed to the Spectre office. She asked him if something good happened, since he seemed to be in a high spirit.

“Yeah, it did” was all he could answer and she just smiled at him and didn't ask anything else.

When he got back to the Normandy he sat down in the starboard observation lounge with a datapad to check his massages and work on his reports. When he was still at the first one after forty-five minutes he gave up. He rubbed his fingers over his forehead already feeling the migraine coming.

“EDI, is the Commander back yet?” he looked up at the ceiling, since he just couldn't get used to speak to thin air whenever addressing the AI.

“Yes, he is” came the answer.

“Can you ask him, if he's got a few minutes for me? I need to speak with him.”

“Of course, Major.” Kaidan stared hard at his hands while waiting, trying to organise his thoughts. “He's waiting for you in his cabin.”

“Thank you, EDI.”

“Any time.”

He found Shepard sitting on his couch, datapad in hand, surely he was also working again, when wasn't he?

“Is something wrong?” He asked with a frown when he saw Kaidan.

“I feel the need to set up some rules here.” Kaidan started pacing in front of the Commander without really looking at him.

“Rules?” Confusion settled on his face as he leaned forward, datapad forgotten in his hand.

“Just hear me out.” Kaidan asked noticing the model ships and losing focus for a few moments. Actually this was the first time he was in the captain's cabin at all.

“Okay, I'm listening.” Shepard put down the datapad and looked up at the Major with an interested expression on his face.

“You could say I didn't plan so much ahead, but I don't want to complicate things. Even a half year before I wouldn't dream of doing something like this, since you are still my CO, but as I said, the world _is_ kind of ending and I just don't give a damn, I want this.” He spluttered out with one breath and he looked at Shepard only when he ran out of words.

“Kaidan, it's okay, I get it.” The Commander looked up at him with calmness Kaidan wished he too could feel. “I trust you to be the professional I always knew you were. Back on Mars it was so easy to have you again. I knew you would follow my lead and have my back. While in action it was like that two years never happened. We can work this out.”

“Yeah, it was almost scary how easy it was to fall back in line behind you. It just felt right.” Shepard grinned at him and stood up. “But this is different” he gestured between them.

“It doesn’t have to be.” Shepard walked over to him. “Do you feel different?”

“No, it’s just…” he trailed off and spent a moment to think about it. “No, I don’t” he answered finally.

 “See? We got this.”

“Yeah, okay” Kaidan rubbed his forehead, trying to calm down. “Actually there's another thing I've been thinking about for a time now.”

“You've been busy” the Commander said his eyebrow raised and with a little smile on his face that was new to Kaidan, but be decided, that he wanted to see it again.

“Just... shut up.” He reached out and placed his hands on Shepard's neck to finally bring their mouths together. After the first touch Kaidan moved back, looking up to Shepard, licking his lips and it was the Commander who moved after him for another kiss. Lips moving on each other, slowly testing and just feeling. Shepard licked Kaidan’s mouth open while he moved his hands to the small of Kaidan’s back to press their bodies together.

“I'm sorry for the interruption, but you got a message from Admiral Hackett, labelled as urgent, Commander.” Both of them froze at EDI’s voice, but they didn't let go of each other. Shepard frowned at the ceiling as Kaidan dropped his head the other’s shoulder.

“Of course I did” the Commander grunted out.

“Now that she sits next to Joker I tend to forget that EDI's still everywhere on the Normandy. It's kind of freaky.” Kaidan dragged his nose up on Shepard’s throat, the stubble prickling his skin, not that he minded.

“Do we need to talk about this, EDI?”

“Specify” her voice was carefully blank even for an AI.

“As I recall Liara did call you a blabbermouth once.” Shepard was rubbing small circles on Kaidan's back with his thumbs and the Major finally had a moment to let the knowledge sink in, that now he was allowed also to touch. So he did.

“I have regulation protocols regarding the crew's privacy,” did she sound offended or was it just him? “But I can review them with you, if you wish, Shepard.” Kaidan brushed his fingers down the Commander's throat, along his collarbones, down his chest, mapping out his ribs under his jacket to rest his hands finally at his waist. He was watching his own hands, but he could feel Shepard watching him.

“Yes, that's what I meant.” His voice came out just a bit rough and Kaidan allowed himself a smirk when he felt the Commander's fingers dig into his muscles on his back.

“I better get going then” Kaidan shifted, not really keen to let go, but after looking at Shepard for a few seconds he pulled away and headed for the door. “See you around, Commander.”

“You bet” Kaidan didn't look back, just let the smile took over his features, the same he heard in Shepard's voice and stepped out of the room. His hands still felt warm, his mouth still tasted like the beer they had earlier and mostly like Shepard. He spent a few moments to get a hold of himself or at least until the uncomfortable tightness eased in his fatigues before summoning the elevator.

 _We got this._ And it was as simple as that. Like settling himself again back on the Normandy for a second time. It was familiar and new at the same time. When they were on the ground everything was the same, working with Shepard again was a welcomed feeling and now he realised, how badly he missed it. One of the weird things was facing parts of Shepard’s recent past he only knew from Alliance reports and reluctantly given stories. Like Jacob Taylor. Kaidan knew of him, the Cerberus operative, who helped Shepard defeat the Collectors. But now that he stood before him, running from Cerberus, injured but still pushing himself to protect the people he cared about, Kaidan finally could see the person. The guy talking with Shepard so casually and greeting Garrus with a smile on his face. It was just like meeting that asari Justicar, Kaidan felt left out. He clenched his jaw and went after the man, while Shepard was looking around and seemingly got distracted by something on a console. Kaidan found Jacob in a medical room; a woman treating his wounds.

“Kaidan Alenko, it’s nice to actually meet you.” Jacob greeted him when he walked up to him.

“You know me?”

“No offence, but half a year ago one of my priority was to know everything about Shepard, so, yeah, I know of you.” He offered his hand to him and Kaidan took it. His grip was strong and firm, it suited the image Kaidan had of him in his head.

“Can I ask you something?”

“About our suicide mission I guess.” Kaidan nodded and Jacob shrugged wincing when he pulled on his wound with the movement. “I’m sure you had access to the official version. Beside that you had Garrus to tell you about the ugly parts. We all thought it would be a one way trip. It was Shepard, who pulled us out of it alive. I don’t think anybody else could have done that. I had my doubts about him, but the Illusive Man was right about investing all the credits in him.”

“Was that all why he did that?”

“The Illusive Man had a lot of plans, but the only one we were involved in at that time was to stop the Collectors. Some doesn’t want to admit it, but we did save humankind. But business stopped at that point. After we came back everything changed. Shepard told us fair and square, that he and Joker were taking the Normandy and going back to the Alliance. We didn't try to stop him, we owned our lives to him, some even considered to go with him. He offered that he would take anyone to anywhere they wanted to be dropped off. But I’m sure you already knew that too.”

“Yeah, thanks anyway.” Actually Kaidan didn’t know that, the report only said, that most of the crew left the Normandy before it even reached Alliance space. But he just nodded at Jacob.

“Sure thing. Hey Shepard, in here!” Jacob called out, when he saw the Commander walk along the door. Kaidan backed away as Shepard came in, looking questioningly at the Major, but he just shook his head and settled himself by the door watching them talk. They were in the middle of a Cerberus attack and Shepard asked him what was going on with him, just chatting casually. Going through a mission like that sure could get people together, but it looked more than that, like they were actually friends. It reminded Kaidan of the times on the first Normandy. No matter if you were an Alliance officer, a krogan mercenary or a troubled C-Sec officer he would come and talk to you.

“I know what you feel Kaidan, I hate the cold too.” Garrus stepped up to him, leaning on the wall next to him. Kaidan smiled at him, but it disappeared from his face quickly.

“I should have been there with you. I should have trusted him.”

“You did what you thought best at that moment” his voice was carefully neutral, Kaidan was sure that's not what he was really thinking.

“The hell I did. I was so glad to see him alive, but I was confused and angry and I shut him out.” That earned him a pat on the shoulder and Garrus' tone was warmer when he spoke next.

“And you paid for it: you missed the biggest party in the Galaxy.”

“And almost got myself killed by him on the Citadel” Kaidan said with a frown looking out at Shepard, who was still talking with Jacob.

“Nah, he wouldn’t have spent so much time on you just to shoot you down.”

“I wasn't so sure about that.” Garrus sighed and Kaidan knew he was being stubborn, but just couldn't help it.

“He’s the type who’s willing to make the tough choices, even if sometimes I think he enjoys some of it. I saw him push an uncooperative mercenary out of a window from one of the tallest tower on Illium. He would put a gun to anyone’s head if they stand in his way, even pull the trigger, but he cares about us. During all that Collector mess I had some unfinished business on the Citadel and it seemed that we won't be coming back, so I asked Shepard for help. And eventually so did everyone, since we all had something we wanted a closure on. As far as I know he said to everyone, that we have more important things to do. But then one day he showed up, announced that we're going to the Citadel and asked me 'What do you need me to do.'”

“Yeah, that sounds like him. I see your point.”

“Don't work you pretty little head on all this, you'll have plenty of time to risk your life and see big explosions.” Garrus shoved him on the shoulder and Kaidan allowed himself a little laugh.

“That I never doubted.”

“If you're done with gossiping, we have two AA guns to repair.” Shepard was walking toward them when Kaidan looked up.

“Aye aye, Commander” they said at the same time and Shepard just rolled his eyes and walked past them, Kaidan and Garrus falling behind him without missing a beat.


	2. Chapter 2

They fell back to their routine way too easily. Shepard always came by for a chat between missions, sometimes Kaidan excused himself from it, because of a headache. Just like old times. Except that now Shepard would stand behind his chair and run his fingers through the Major's hair, carefully massaging his scalp and temples. It didn't really help the pain, but it was nice to have him there and his touch still got some of his attention from the pain, so Kaidan never told him not to do it. Sometimes he could convince Shepard to sit down in the lounge and do his readings or whatever he was doing there. Kaidan liked having him around even if they would just sit around doing their own works. So how he ended up one day straddling Shepard's lap while they made out like two horny teenagers was a bit unclear, but he didn't really care since Shepard was sucking on his tongue, his hands on Kaidan's ass encouraging the rhythm he was moving with, rubbing their hardening dicks together through their fatigues. Kaidan dragged his hand over Shepard's buzz cut, moving his head just a bit to the side so he could bite his neck.

“I'm afraid we don't have time for this.” Shepard's voice was rough and despite his words he squeezed Kaidan's ass, rolling their hips together again.

“You know something I don't?” Kaidan rubbed his nose along the Commander's throat then bit him again, making Shepard hiss.

“We'll reach the planet Namakli in fifteen minutes.” EDI announced from the com-line.

“Sooner than I thought” Shepard said looking up at Kaidan. “Prepare the scanners EDI and tell James to gear up.”

“Already done, anyone else?” asked the AI.

“I've already got my hands on him” he smirked up at the Major and Kaidan huffed out a laugh.

“Yes, Sir.” Kaidan stood in one motion and tried to rearrange himself in his pants. Shepard leaned his head back on the couch, rubbing his hands over his face. His clothes looked ruffled, legs parted and the bulge obvious in his fatigues. Kaidan had to turn away, because the sight really didn't help him calm down. When he felt he could walk without problem he headed for the door.

“See you at the shuttle.” Shepard gave him an affirmative sound before the door closed behind him. Now they really didn't have time for things like that, but Kaidan would make sure that later they would.

There was definitely something the Reapers wanted on that planet and that was motivation enough not to let them have it. Getting to Ann Bryson wasn't easy and getting her out of there didn't seem much easier either.

“You see the shuttle, you run, don’t look back”

“Okay, yes.” She looked shaken, but she followed them without hesitation. There were a couple of cannibals around the platform and they fell quickly. Maybe they can leave this place without any other complication behind.

“Harvester!” James shouted at the moment they all saw it land exactly at the end of the platform. And of course their luck didn’t have that much in itself.

“You need to get rid of that harvester!” Steve’s voice sounded strained; who knows how many of those he had to dodge just on that day. Kaidan thought one was more than enough.

“We’ll bring it down!” Shepard shouted over its screech from behind a crate. Kaidan took a quick look from his cover, but there was a metal beam in his line of fire, so he sprinted for the crates on his left side and that was the moment the harvester turned its head in his direction and fired. He staggered back from the impact and heard the characteristic crack which meant his shield went down. He had to shake his head to clear his vision and when he looked up there was a cannibal only a few feet away from him, weapon raised.

“Shit” he gritted out and managed to launch a biotic throw at it, knocking it off the platform, but just a moment too late. The shot got his left side, sending him to the ground.

“Alenko's down!” He heard James' voice through the radio but it sounded faint as pain flared in his side.

“Cover me” that was Shepard, but Kaidan couldn’t really concentrate as he tried to move behind cover. A few moments later he could lean on a metal fence and Shepard landed heavy on his knees next to him.

“Harvester blew up my shields, got hit by a damn cannibal. This is rather embarrassing.”

“Just stay with me” Shepard touched his side and Kaidan had to clench his teeth against the pain. That shouldn’t hurt so much, something was not right. “It ate through your armour and you’re bleeding.” Well, that never happened before, but he never got shot from such a close range either. “I’ve got medi-gel, stay put.” Kaidan braced himself, medi-gel was awesome, but you can never get used to the feeling of it coming in contact with the wound. He breathed through that few unpleasant seconds as the cool liquid spread on the hot wound.

“Thanks” he gritted out looking up at Shepard. He clenched his jaw.

“I swear to God if I have to carry you back to the Normandy once more…” but Shepard fell silent, grabbed the back of his neck and pressed their foreheads together.

“Sorry Commander.” The pain was fading away and Kaidan placed his hand on the other man’s shoulder.

“Not to be a killjoy, but I could use a little help here.” James’ voice brought them back to the chaos of heavy gun fire. “The thing just doesn’t want to go down, and I emptied like two rounds in it already.”

“Then we try something else” said Shepard and looked at Kaidan. “Can you hit it with a reave?” The Major just nodded. “James, I’ll need a carnage shot from you on my signal.”

“Got it Commander.”

“Ready?” Kaidan nodded again and they both flared up with a biotic charge. “Go!” Kaidan stood from the crouched position he was in and hurled his powers toward the Harvester. Shepard launched a warp attack a moment later. “James, now!” Their attacks hit the harvester one after another and just as the blue of the biotic explosion went through it James’ shot hit and the damn thing finally exploded. Kaidan had to turn away from the light, the sound piercing trough his head.

“Okay Cortez. Get in here!” He felt Shepard pat his shoulder and they joined James and Ann, surrounding the woman.

“Copy that, Commander.” They all started to clear the platform but the reaper creatures just kept coming.

“Shuttle ready for evac, Commander.” Kaidan never have been happier to hear that line.

“Copy that. Everybody, let’s go. Just clear a path, don’t bother with the rest.” Shepard shouted running toward the kodiak. When they finally reached it they all jumped in and shot the cannibals that got close to the shuttle just for good measures. Kaidan fell into one of the chairs, his side was throbbing and the adrenalin with the medi-gel made him dizzy.

“You okay, man?” James asked him quietly while Shepard was talking to Ann.

“Yeah, or at least I will be.”

“Good.” A troubled silence fell upon them for the rest of the way. Bryson looked like she was caught between shock and disbelief, Kaidan could understand that. It wasn't getting easier, no matter how many times they saw all that. And he was sure it never will be. At least they had a lead on Leviathan now. But at what cost? When they reached the Normandy Dr. Chakwas was waiting for them in the shuttle bay.

“I heard somebody got injured?” She noticed immediately the hole on his armour.

“It was already taken care of” Kaidan answered her.

“I’d still like to see you for a check-up, Major.” Kaidan just nodded, it would have been pointless to argue with her. He didn't stand a chance against her in a case like this anyway. No one did. Then she turned to the other woman. “I'm Dr. Karin Chakwas, I'm afraid I have to ask you to come with me for a check-up too.” She offered her hand and the other woman took it.

“Ann Bryson. And of course; I have a feeling I'm in a need of one.” Dr. Chakwas shook her hand with a sad smile on her face, and then turned to Shepard.

“Anything else, Commander?”

“I'll send a message to the Alliance and they can take you back to the Citadel, Ann.”

“Thank you, Commander. For everything.” Dr Chakwas nodded at him then walked away with Ann at her side.

“She took all this a lot better, than most people would have” Kaidan remarked as he looked after the women then walked to his locker to remove his armour.

“Yeah, now just let's hope she also can help us” Shepard said as he started the same process. “Need help with that?” he asked when he noticed that Kaidan reached the busted part.

“Nah, I got this.” He got rid of the ceramic plates easily. Getting out of the suit underneath was a bit trickier, since some of the plates’ edge melted together with it and the whole thing was still stuck to his skin by the medi-gel covering his wound. He heard Vega whistle.

“That doesn't look pretty.”

“No kidding, lieutenant.” The whole area wasn’t bigger, than his palm, but it was black with dark red parts. Thankfully those were just the remnants from the wound, he knew there was fresh skin underneath, but yeah, it wasn’t pretty. It was a kind of sad thought that they all did this just enough time to know what to do. He took a deep breath and pulled off the last of his suit. Most of the blackened stuff came with it, leaving his skin raw and sensitive. Well, he’d need a new under-suit in his armour, and replacement for the melted parts. Good thing they always have spare parts. And later he'd need to check the rest of his armour too. He put on a shirt that got in minimal contact with his skin and headed for the elevator.

“I'm off to the med bay then.”

“Sure, catch you later.”

Dr. Chakwas cleaned off the remnants of the medi-gel stuck to his skin and after a scan she said it looked fine, but she wanted to keep the wound under surveillance for at least a couple of hours. Reaper injuries could be tricky, they saw it a few times, wounds closing and looking nicely just to start to rot from the inside a few hours later. So Kaidan got a bed in the med bay with a scanner constantly on next to him and a datapad, so he won’t go crazy from just sitting around. Shepard came by at some point to fill him in on what was going on. They were travelling back to the mass relay’s system to meet up with the Alliance. They had to make a hasty exit from the system, since they had Reapers like everywhere around the planet, but they were in deep space now. Everything was as fine as it could be.

“I feel like I spend so much time visiting friends in hospitals, that I barely have time to fight the war.” Shepard crossed his arms over his chest just to lower them again a few seconds later. His tone was teasing even if Kaidan could see the tightness on his face.

“Well, I’m sorry that I keep you away from your hobby, Commander.” That earned him a laugh that he hadn’t heard from Shepard like… ever, and it seemed it surprised both of them. Suddenly Kaidan felt himself the luckiest guy in the galaxy.

“Take care, Major.” His voice was softer now and he squeezed Kaidan’s shoulder shortly then traced his fingers down on Kaidan’s arm to his elbow.

“Aye, aye, Commander.” He smiled up at Shepard and watched him, as he turned to have a few words with the doctor too. So Shepard was still making his rounds on the ship to talk to his crew. It seemed things were still the same on that front. The thought made him chuckle and Shepard looked at him with a raised eyebrow, but Kaidan just shook his head at him and the Commander left. When he looked back Dr. Chakwas was watching him with a little smile on her face, but when Kaidan asked her about it she didn’t answer him.


	3. Chapter 3

Travelling through space. It always came down to that. Even with the mass relays and the fastest ship in the galaxy it took time to get from one system to the other. And it seemed they were always needed somewhere, so they travelled a lot. But to be locked up in the confined space of the Normandy, sometimes for days, wasn’t always easy. They had to find something to pass the time, because there were just so many reports and other work related stuff one could do before they rather sat down and watched Garrus calibrate. At least that’s how Kaidan felt. And of course that was the time Shepard decided to disappear. After he was released from the med bay Kaidan tried to look for him, but since he was nowhere he usually passed his time it was clear he didn't want to be found. Kaidan could respect that. At least for now. And that's how he found himself in the shuttle bay, sparring with Vega. He wasn't even sure how it started and how long it was going on, but he felt the sweat roll down on his face and next to his spine. Maybe they should call it even and turn in for the rest of the night, the day stretched just long enough already. The moment he lost focus was when James rushed at him again and Kaidan did what instinct told him: with a biotic wave he knocked Vega flat on his back.

“Hey, that's cheating, you agreed to the no mumbo-jumbo!” Vega shouted at him from the floor.

“Sorry Vega. It wasn't on purpose.” He stepped to him and offered his hand to the baffled soldier.

“The hell it wasn't” but Vega took the offered hand and Kaidan pulled him to his feet.

“I got distracted for a moment and instinct took over when you attacked.”

“Yeah, sure” he sounded half undignified and half amused, it was a funny mix.

“I can vouch for that. Biotic abilities are like any other reflex in tight situations.” They both turned toward the voice. Shepard was standing next to Steve, arms crossed over his chest, hip leaning on the table Cortez was working on.

“You just say that because you weirdos need to stick together, Commander.” If it were anyone else they would have taken offence, but from Vega, this was just the usual bravado. “Why not just admit it, you can’t beat me otherwise?”

“Then I think we need a rematch” Kaidan grinned at him while he grabbed his towel and put it over his neck already moving toward the elevator.

“Nuh-uh, I'm not dancing with you, if you step on my toes. Sir.” James shook his head at him and headed for his residence; most likely for more work out.

“Come on Mr Vega, I'm sure you could handle a blow or two.” Cortez nodded back at Shepard, who went after Kaidan.

“How come _you_ never wanna dance with me, Esteban?”

“That would be like, if I challenged you to a driving contest. Just wouldn't be fair.”

“But I could show you some new moves.” James sounded amused, like any other time he bantered with Steve.

“I'm sure you could, Mr Vega.” If they said anything else it was blocked out by the elevator door. Kaidan leaned his back on the wall, welcoming the feeling of the cold metal on his overheated body.

“I just can't decide if they really are flirting or not.”

“I'd say, James seems too oblivious, but as long as Steve is having fun...” Shepard just shrugged and didn’t bother to finish the sentence. Kaidan wiped his face with the towel and when he looked up he found Shepard watching him.

“Enjoyed the show?”

“I was just checking on Cortez” his voice feigned innocence, but he was still watching.

“Sure you were” Kaidan said with a small laugh. _After you were technically hiding from me this whole time,_ the Major thought, but didn't say any of it just wiped his face again and when he opened his eyes, Shepard was closer to him.

“Did anyone ever tell you, you look really good when you use your biotics?” Kaidan's fingers tightened on the towel.

“So that's the reason you take me on missions all the time? So you could watch my blue, shining ass?”

“It certainly is a sight to behold.” The Commander moved forward, placing his hands to the wall beside Kaidan's shoulders.

“Says the man whose armour fits better at hip than an asari dancer's dress.” Kaidan let Shepard crowd him, not touching, just leaning really close.

“So you did notice, I've always wondered.” Shepard brushed his nose along Kaidan's cheek and stopped his mouth over the Major's, but still not touching.

“Shepard, I need a shower.” That was the moment the door opened and Kaidan's head snapped toward it, their nose bumping in the process.

“And I happen to have one.” Shepard moved away and Kaidan immediately felt the chill on his skin the Commander’s body left behind. He pondered shortly on his options, but the tightness in his pants decided really quickly for him and Kaidan followed the Commander into his cabin. Shepard was already by the couch, reaching for a datapad from the coffee table, but he seemed hesitant as to what to do it when he grabbed it.

“I'll get you a towel, and I can lend a few clean clothes, if you'd want.” He looked at Kaidan who was still standing by door, but he glanced away a second later.

“Yeah, that sounds good” the silence was almost awkward and Kaidan had a strange idea, that Shepard might be nervous. He might have laughed if his heart wasn't beating in his throat. Not that they planned this, hell they didn't plan anything at all. The rush of the missions and the quiet times in between with the kisses and touches came so natural they didn't need plans, so why felt this different now? He thought about inviting Shepard to join him, but he found himself turning and entering the bathroom without another word. Compared to the rest of the captain's quarters, the bathroom was pretty simple, with the metal walls and a few hangers on the far side from the shower. Kaidan peeled his wet clothes off himself, and put them on the hangers. He had a few scenarios in his head about how this could or should go down, and one of them was actually to take advantage of the private shower. Suddenly the thought of pushing Shepard to that metal wall was again vivid in his mind. Kaidan really should have invited him in, but it was too late for that now. But he was quite good at adapting to different circumstances. He'll just have to be swift with the shower then. He washed his hair quickly with the shampoo he found there and wondered for a few moments, if Shepard even needed shampoo for his buzz cut. With the soap he made a quick work of washing himself. He was about to let the foam wash away from him, when the door opened behind him. Kaidan turned just enough to look over his shoulder to Shepard who was leaning on the door frame in a grey t-shirt and jeans.

“You forgot the towel.” He placed said towel on a hanger and looked back at Kaidan.

“I had one with me, remember?” Kaidan turned away from him, letting the water wash over him again.

“But this one's clean.” He could feel Shepard's eyes on himself and he had to swallow before he could speak again.

“You are letting the steam escape.”

“Sorry.” To Kaidan's satisfaction he moved in and not out, and let the door close behind him.

“You're gonna get your clothes wet.”

“I have others.” Kaidan looked back just to flash a grin at him.

“Really?”

“Hey, just because they're standard Alliance issue stuff, and therefore similar, does not mean I wear the same things all the time.”

“If you say so, Commander.” With a deep breath Kaidan turned around, tiled his head back to the hot water and ran his fingers through his hair. Then he dragged his hands to his neck, down his chest all the way to his thighs. He watched Shepard follow his hands with his eyes. “Still enjoying the show, Commander?” he knew his voice was even huskier that the usual and he was more than aware of his growing erection when he palmed himself just to see Shepard gulp.

“You have to admit, it's really something.” Shepard looked back up at him.

“And pretty one sided, thus kind of unfair.” Kaidan stepped closer to him, his eyes never leaving the Commander's.

“How about this?” Shepard removed his shirt and threw is away, still keeping eye contact.

“It's progress.” Kaidan traced his fingers up on Shepard's biceps to his shoulder then down on his chest. He made sure to brush his nipples just a bit harder before travelling down on his stomach. When he reached his belt he unbuckled it; along with his pants and he freed Shepard from his boxers. Kaidan smirked up at him as the Commander’s dick jumped free just to be ignored as the Major sent Shepard's clothes to the floor, pooling around his ankles. He stepped out of them and Kaidan stepped back to look at Shepard.

“Now that's definitely better.” A few scars and fading bruises, freckles and some birthmarks, Kaidan wanted to touch them all, feel all of them with his hands and also with his tongue. He wanted to map every inch of Shepard's body until even his skin remembered him. Shepard moved toward him, a light push on his sternum forcing Kaidan to step back.

“I really need to touch you” his voice almost broke, because Shepard was close, but still not touching. “And you really need to touch me already.” The hot water hit them, then Kaidan's back hit the wall and Shepard finally kissed him. Kaidan raised his arms, one of his hands holding the back of Shepard's head, enjoying how the short hair prickled his skin. His other hand moved up and down on the Commander's back, fingers digging into muscles now and then. Shepard had his hand buried in Kaidan's hair, the other touching wherever he could, his thigh between the Major's legs trying to create some friction. He moaned into the kiss when Kaidan grabbed his ass and pushed their hips even closer.

“Kaidan” it sounded almost like a plea as he moved his mouth to the other's throat, kissing his neck and gently biting his collarbone. Kaidan felt lost in the sensation and let out a long sigh when Shepard took him into his hand, moving careful at first, watching his every reaction. Kaidan showed him with his hips what he wanted, too far gone for words and Shepard did exactly what he needed. Like in the field, a gesture, a nod was enough; they always worked so well together. He brought their mouths together for a messy kiss, while Shepard's hand never lost its rhythm, callused fingers spreading the pre-come on the head. Kaidan dropped his head on the other's shoulder; hands grabbing him and holding on for dear life when he came. Shepard placed small kisses on his neck while Kaidan tried to catch his breath. He didn't raise his head from Shepard's shoulder, but moved his hand between them to take his dick. The Commander hissed out a breath and shortly his hand joined Kaidan's to show him what he liked and Kaidan obligated, like he always did. He made small noises in the back of his throat and Kaidan decided he wanted to hear them more.

“Common, Shepard” he looked up, because he needed to see it. The Commander squeezed his eyes shut, his movements became erratic, and he pressed their foreheads together before he came with a long groan. Shepard moved so he could rest against Kaidan for a few moments, bodies pressed close together, breathing each other in in the afterglow. Then he dragged both of them under the spray to wash themselves clean.

“Thanks for letting me use your shower, Commander.”

“Any time, Major.” He turned off the water and handed Kaidan a towel with a grin, then grabbed another for himself, drying himself quickly. Kaidan took his time, his hair would need more drying than Shepard's anyway, the entire time watching and noticing the droplets of water on the Commander's back he didn't bother to wipe off. He felt the urge to lick them off, but Shepard already moved out of the bathroom with the towel around his hip. When Kaidan followed him out, Shepard already had a pair of black boxers and a blue tank top on.

“Clean clothes” he nodded at the things put on the edge of the bed.

“Thanks, but I think my stuff will do until...”

“You could stay, you know.” Kaidan blinked at him twice before smiling and wondering why he didn't think about that.

“I guess I could” he swung the towel on his shoulder and got into the boxers, but put the rest away before going back to toweling his hair.

“I never actually got to see how you manage that hair; I'm kind of interested now.” Shepard was heading his way when Kaidan looked at him.

“No, it's actually... I don't really have to put anything on it, but it will be kind of tricky tomorrow, because I don't have the patience to dry it completely.”

“Uh-huh” Shepard reached out and ran his fingers through Kaidan's hair. It was curly at the ends and Shepard tried to shape it like he always saw on the Major, but it just messed it up even more. “I just don't get it.”

“It's... it's because of static electricity. A charge built up by the L2 implant.”

“You are kidding me.” The Commander narrowed his eyes on him and started to massage Kaidan's scalp instead of messing up his hair. The Major hummed in contentment.

“Nope.”

“Well that's... sorry.” Shepard dropped his hands with a tight expression on his face.

“It's okay, Shepard.” Kaidan managed a smile and put his towel down on the back of a chair.

“Come” Shepard nodded toward the bed. They got under the covers, Kaidan ran his fingers through his hair a few times, before they lay next to each other, talking quietly about unimportant things while they tried to find an arrangement they were both comfortable in.

Kaidan didn't fall asleep easily, even with the tiredness, the sensation of someone breathing so close to him that he could also feel the heat of his body was something he didn't feel for a long time now. But it was even harder to wake up, not to mention to wake up alone. He felt a little disappointed, stretching and searching for the warmth next to him that wasn't there anymore. Was this how a morning after felt like? Except it wasn't technically his place, so it should have been him sneaking out. Anyway, there was no reason for him to stick around then. When he got out of bed he found his pants on the couch, neatly folded, his boots next to them on the floor, his dirty clothes nowhere to find. He just shook his head and got dressed with a smile on his face. He was ready to leave when the com-line came to life.

“This is Joker, we'll reach our destination in twenty-five minutes. The Commander wants the team in the war room for debriefing in twenty. Joker out.”

Twenty minutes, just enough time for Kaidan to find a mirror, to see the damage the night or rather Shepard had done to his hair and to find something to eat. He could feel the stubble on his jaw as well, but that will have to wait.

He ran into Garrus on his way to the war room. The turian shoved him gently on the shoulder.

“I heard you tangled with Vega a bit last night.” And also with someone else in a very different way, Kaidan thought, but did his best to keep a straight face. “Next time you should tell me beforehand, I’ll set up a betting pool.” He sounded exited and Kaidan couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.

“Please don’t. Vega is bad enough on his own on any occasion; imagine if he’d have an audience.”

“Then we could even sell it on the extranet. I’m not saying the Alliance isn’t generous, but never say no to some extra credits.” Kaidan just laughed and shook his head just as they stepped into the war room. It seems they were the last ones, because Shepard nodded at them and started to talk right away.

“As some of you already know, we’ll meet up with an Alliance ship that will take Ann Bryson to the Citadel, and after that we’ll go to the Far Rim cluster. The quarians finally decided to give us support in the war, but it’s just too good to be true, I expect trouble. I want everyone to be ready when we get there.”

“Commander, the Alliance is here, they ask for permission to dock” came Joker’s voice from the com.

“Granted. Let Ms Bryson know they are here for her. We’ll depart as soon as we can. Dismissed.” He stared at Kaidan for a long moment then walked out of the room.

“And this was why I came all the way up here?”

“Come on Garrus, think of it as a chance to team bonding. When was the last time you left the main battery anyway?” Liara crossed her arms over her chest, the challenge clear in her voice.

“I was out plenty of times, and I never saw you around” Garrus mirrored her pose, obviously taking on the challenge.

“Some of us have more obligations than others” her tone was a bit more serious, although still teasing, but James waved his hand on them.

“Yeah yeah, whatever. So anyone up for a poker game? Scars? I’m pretty sure your poker face is flawless.”

“Thanks the Spirits, that your aim is better than your jokes, Vega” Garrus said in a dry tone while he turned to James.

“Says the turian, funniest bunch in the galaxy. You in or not?” He had a cocky grin on his face and Garrus just shrugged after staring at him for a few moments.

“I guess I could show you some tricks. Liara?”

“I don't see why not, Kaidan are you coming?” The Major was already moving toward the exit when Liara turned to him.

“No, I... have some readings to do. Maybe later.” He rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand.

“Oh, come on, man. Think of it as a rematch”

“Thanks, but some other time.” Kaidan managed a smile and waved them goodbye before leaving the room.

“Your loss” Vega called after him.

He went down to the observation lounge and stared at the stars for several moments. He could feel the edge of a headache, not quite hurting, but it had the potential in itself. He grabbed a datapad and settled down in one of the comfortable chairs, running through the meditation methods Liara taught him years before. At some point he felt the subtle changes in the ship, so he knew they were moving again; toward the next madness he was sure. When the door opened he didn’t have to look, he already knew those footsteps.

“Hey there.” Kaidan opened his eyes to look up at Shepard who stopped a few steps away from him.

“Hey, Kaidan. Just checking in”, he said while rolling out his shoulders.

“I'm glad” Kaidan smirked up at him. “Say, you left without waking me” he let just a bit of disapproval seep into his voice.

“Didn't have the heart.” With anyone else it would have sounded sappy, but Shepard looking at him with that little smile in the corner of his mouth, it was so ridiculous Kaidan almost found it endearing. He still felt the urge to call bullshit on him; eventually he just huffed out a short laugh.

“Heh, thanks, but next time… wake me.” Shepard closed the distance between them with two steps and leaned his hands on the chair’s armrest looming above him.

“Aye aye, Sir.” He kissed Kaidan’s forehead, but the Major grabbed a handful of his jacket before he could straighten up and dragged him down for a real kiss.


	4. Chapter 4

“What the hell, Shepard what just happened? Actually don't tell me. I've got work to do and I can't be distracted.” Kaidan looked back to the datapad, already regretting that he even opened his mouth when Shepard came in.

“I was plugged into the virtual world of the geth consensus” he had that little smirk on his face that told Kaidan he was enjoying himself. ”Saw their history, purged a Reaper infection.”

“Crap. Now I'll be obsessing how that works except doing my Spectre division expense report.” He frowned at his partner, but the Commander just grinned at him. Asshole.

“You're welcome.” Kaidan felt the need to wipe that grin off his face either by slapping him or kissing him, but ignored it.

“I really need to do this; I'll catch you later, Shepard.” Thankfully, the Commander nodded with a smile and left. But just as he thought his brain circled over what happened that day instead of his work. It definitely took up more of his time that it should have been. After he could finally put away the datapad he spent a few moments to decide what to do.

“EDI, can you tell me where the Commander is right now?”

“He's at the shuttle bay. Do you want me to call him up?” Was it just him or did she really sound amused?

“No, it's not necessary. Thanks, EDI.”

“Any time, Major. EDI out.” Well then. He grabbed some spare clothing and other things he might need with a datapad and headed out of the room. He went up to the captain's cabin and decided to make himself at home, so to say, until Shepard would turn up. He settled himself down on the couch and checked his messages quickly. Another report came in, but he decided it could wait, so he opened up the story he started to read in the hospital back on the Citadel. He had way too much free time while recovering, although he wasn't making much progress ever since his release, but he thought with all this mess around them he deserved a little reading for himself. When the door opened he just glanced up for a moment before returning his attention to the text.

“There you are” he greeted the Commander.

“Kaidan, what are you doing here?” he sounded surprised but in a pleasant way.

“Invading your personal place?” he made it a question while he marked his progress in the text and put down the datapad.

“Uh-huh.” Shepard shook his head and sat down on the other side of the couch.

“What's our next move?” Kaidan asked since there wasn't any more debriefing after they get back from the geth servers.

“We're almost ready. Legion said he's got some preparation to make and I could use a few hours of sleep before we go up against that Reaper base.”

“Wow, that's something I've never heard from you. Are you sure the geth didn't mess with your head a bit?” Shepard glared at him, but then dropped his head back, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “I have no idea how you do it. In the beginning it was weird enough to have aliens on the ship, then a protean, now we even have a geth wandering around.”

“Yeah, Wrex said something about the Normandy is more like a travelling freak show, than a warship now.” Shepard stared up at the ceiling and Kaidan huffed out a small laugh.

“Huh, quite accurate actually. And you're still keeping it together.”

“For the moment. The quarians are really trying my patience, though. They're lucky Tali’s around and that we need their fleet. I don't think I'd be so nice to them if it wasn't so.” He closed his eyes again and Kaidan watched him for a few moments fighting back his smile. Yeah, nice. The memory of Shepard's fist deep in the quarian admiral's solar plexus was still fresh in Kaidan's mind. He decided to change the subject.

“You know, entering the geth consensus is gonna be the best chapter in your autobiography” Kaidan mused and Shepard just shook his head again.

“And who would write that? It's sure as hell I won't.” The Commander asked without opening his eyes.

“I heard about Liara's project, it's a first step, but I'm sure you could ask Garrus if she's busy.” Shepard just huffed out a laugh.

“That surely would be something.”

“You ready to call it a night?” Kaidan asked after a few moment of silence.

“Yeah” Shepard opened his eyes and stood up rolling his shoulders out. “Gonna hit the showers quick. And you'd better not disappear while I'm there.” Shepard pointed his finger at Kaidan. He just gave him a two fingered mock-salute and Shepard rolled his eyes before turning toward the bathroom. When he heard the sound of water running Kaidan stood up and wandered up to take a look at the Commander's model ship collection. He stopped by the shelf and tapped on the glass to get the hamster's attention.

“Hey there, little guy.” It came out of the box just to sniff the air and sprint back. Kaidan felt the smile tug on his lips as he turned to the models. All of them handmade, fine works. Kaidan wished he could see sometime Shepard working on one. He made a note to himself to check the shops the next time they go to the Citadel, maybe he could find more. He was so deep in thought that the opening door startled him. Shepard walked out with a towel around his hip, moving across the room then looking back at the Major.

“You coming?” Shepard nodded toward the bed.

“Just give me a few minutes.” Kaidan entered the bathroom and the first thing he saw was his toothbrush by the sink. The thought that he had his own toothbrush in Shepard's quarters made him smile.

When he left the bathroom Shepard was already under the covers, laying on his side and seemingly staring into nothing. Kaidan also moved under the comforter, getting behind Shepard and pressing his chest to the Commander's back. Kaidan noted with a hint of satisfaction that Shepard was naked under the covers.

“Okay, I could hear you thinking too hard from across the room. Out with it. What's bothering you?” Kaidan nuzzled Shepard's ear and moved his hand to his chest, stroking his skin lazily.

“Ever since Eden Prime I though all I needed to know about the geth was where to shoot if I see one, but now that I know Legion, saw some of their history... I'm not so sure.”

“As long as they're being manipulated by the Reapers they are a threat.”

“That's true, but when we get rid of that influence, what then? The quarians will see a chance to destroy them once and for all. I think there might be other ways.”

“Only you, Shepard.” Kaidan chuckled and pressed his forehead to the Commander's shoulder. “It wasn't enough to cure the genophage, get the krogan and turians work together also get the rachni work with us, now you want to make peace between the geth and the quarians.”

“You don't think I could do it?” Shepard turned just enough so he could look at his partner with a goofy smile on his face. But the Major knew him enough to know he wasn't entirely joking.

“I think you will do everything in your power to do what you think is right. And I will stand right behind you. Whatever comes” and he meant it. He was rewarded with a grateful smile from the Commander. Kaidan propped himself on his elbow and looked down at the other man. “I also think that's just enough thinking for tonight, so can you stop it now?”

“Well, if you can provide an adequate distraction that might help” Shepard said with such a serious expression Kaidan had a hard time to keep a straight face.

“Let me see what I can do.” He felt the smile tug on his face and maybe it gave him away, but it didn't matter since the next moment he was leaning down and kissing Shepard slowly. The Commander tried to turn in his embrace, but Kaidan didn't let him, pressing himself close to Shepard's back and deepening the kiss Kaidan traced his hand down on the other's chest. When he reached Shepard's thigh he rubbed his hardening length on the Commander's ass which made Shepard broke the kiss and inhale sharply.

“Not fair”, he said as he turned around, just to be pushed down by Kaidan. When he was on his back the other man got on his hands and knees above Shepard.

“What?” The Major asked with a smug smile looking down at him.

“Never mind” Shepard said tracing his hands up on Kaidan's thighs and grabbing his hips to pull him close. He let out a satisfied moan when their dicks touched, Kaidan moved his hip just enough to create some friction and kissed Shepard again. Then moved to his neck, kissing and biting gently or harder where he knew Shepard liked it. He licked along the Commander's collarbone moving down on his chest while Shepard's hands mapped his back, a leg looping over his calf. Shepard's breath hitched when he bit his nipple and he moved his hands to Kaidan's neck to pull him up to a kiss. He used this moment to roll them over, straddling Kaidan's thighs and sitting up. The Major watched as Shepard looked him up and down again, fingers brushing the muscles on his chest. He moved so their dick lay together, taking both in his hand and giving a few probing stroke to bring them to full hardness. Kaidan closed his eyes, enjoying the touch and he didn't open them even when Shepard moved to kiss him, hand still on their cocks. Kaidan moved his hands down on Shepard's back, fingers digging in the muscles and grabbed his ass, squeezing shortly before moving his fingers between the cheeks.

“You'll need some more help with that” Shepard rested his elbow next to Kaidan's head when he looked up at him. Kaidan had to clear his throat before he could speak.

“In the top drawer.” Shepard raised an eyebrow at him but he moved to the nightstand. The Major watched his muscle flex as he reached out.  He returned with a little tube of lube in his hand and sat back on Kaidan's legs.

“When did this happen?” He tapped his index finger on the tube and looked at his partner with amusement on his face.

“Someone has to be practical, since you're always busy with something else.” Kaidan tried to muster his most innocent expression, but what he really felt was more close to embarrassment.

“Someone, huh” it was half a question as Shepard dropped the lube next to them and reached out again to get out a tissue box too.

“Yeah” was all Kaidan could say before the Commander was back, kissing him with more force than before, then sitting up again and looking down on Kaidan challengingly. Kaidan felt the smirk on his lips and he grabbed the lube, opening the tube and coating his fingers quickly then sitting up too. He licked Shepard's lips and moved his hand behind him. Kaidan felt like his hands trembled, he always had a steady hand when he held a gun, but now he was sure his hands shook as he touched Shepard. The Commander sucked on his tongue and didn't even react when Kaidan spread the lube around his entrance and pushed his finger in. Slowly moving in and out, a bit deeper with every push. Kaidan broke the kiss to look at Shepard's face, looking for any sign of discomfort, but didn't find any. Shepard was looking at him, eyes impossibly blue, lips slightly parted. He grabbed Kaidan's shoulders when he added another finger, carefully stretching him. He moved back just enough so he could take himself in his hand, and setting the pace with his hips moving back on Kaidan's fingers. Kaidan had to close his eyes and lean his head on Shepard's shoulder, mouthing his chest. The only thing he heard was the Commander's panting and his own blood rushing in his ear, Shepard was hot and tight around his fingers, and he wondered how he would feel around his dick. The thought was almost too much with Shepard jerking off while fucking himself on Kaidan's fingers.

“Kaidan” Shepard pulled his head up to smash their lips together in a messy kiss and moaned into the other’s mouth when he came. He rested his head on Kaidan's shoulders, breathing heavy while Kaidan wrapped his arm around his waist and tried to get a tissue to wipe his other hand. He was still hard, it was almost painful, but he could give his partner a few moments to come down from the high, although he really felt the need to be touched. Shepard moved slowly, grabbing the tissue Kaidan handed to him, and making a quick job to clean his hand to some degree. Then he put a hand on the other's chest and pushed the Major back on the bed. Kaidan opened his mouth to voice his needs, but everything was stuck in his throat when Shepard leaned down and took him into his mouth. A long groan escaped Kaidan as he looked down, but the sight of his dick disappearing into Shepard's mouth was almost enough to make him come. It was just too good, but he didn't want to come yet, so he closed his eyes, except that didn't help much either. Shepard's mouth was hot and wet, he used his hand to move back the skin, licking and sucking on the head.

“Oh God” Kaidan opened his eyes to see Shepard looking up at him. It was too much; he touched the Commander’s head trying to warn him. “Shepard, I’m gonna… wait...” he didn't. Kaidan threw his head back and his mouth opened to a soundless shout as he came. He placed his arm over his eyes, his whole body was buzzing from his orgasm; he didn’t want to move at all, just waiting for his breath to calm down. He was slightly aware of Shepard moving around him and what felt like a tissue on his skin, but couldn't find it in himself to even open his eyes. At least not until he felt the Commander lie down next to him and pulled the comforter over them. He looked over to him and moved to press their bodies together and kiss him. He could taste himself on Shepard, but that just made him deepen the kiss.

“You ready to call it a night?” Shepard asked him as he nuzzled Kaidan's neck.

“Yeah” he answered with a smile, voice rough in his throat.

“Next time, I'm gonna fuck you.” Shepard bit down on Kaidan's neck and he felt a shudder run down on his spine.

“Is that an order?” Kaidan asked in a challenging tone as Shepard turned around and pressed his back to the Major's chest.

“No, it's a promise.”  Kaidan spent a few moments thinking on a comeback, but he felt himself already drifting off and beside that, he liked the idea.

 

*End*


End file.
